Tomorrow my Phoebe girl will be four years old. I’m not going to say any of the typical things mom’s say. “Where has the time gone?” Nope, I know. It’s speeding by, seriously like the speed of light. We always snuggle first thing in the morning. She climbs up on my lap and gives me a squeeze. She’s so big and gangly now that she doesn’t fit on my lap. Arms and legs are everywhere. No more tiny, squishy baby. She’s so tall she looks six not four. She can sit on my lap and look me directly in the eye. Incredible.
I was prepared for infant-hood to be hard. The midnight feedings and diaper changes. The spit up and teething. Funny thing was, after the colic went away she was a dream. Seriously, the perfect angel baby. We had ten weeks of constant screaming and then it was like someone flipped a switch and gave me a new baby. I loved everything about her babyhood after that.
I was prepared for the terrible twos. Yet, she wasn’t terrible. She was pretty happy go lucky. No tremendous tantrums or anything like that. Three was when it got tough. No one ever warns you that three is worse than two. Boy has it been. On a daily basis I have felt ill equipped to mother this child. She is so smart and stubborn. So extroverted while I’m an introvert. She pushes and pushes and pushes boundaries until I’m at my wit’s end. Yet when she smiles at me or gives me a hug and says,”I love you Mommy Moo,” I melt. I wouldn’t trade this girl for anything in the world.
As we go into her fourth year I have high hopes for her. We’re doing home school preschool and she loves it. I’m hopeful that she’ll learn to read. She’s so close! She has such a big heart for animals, every stray cat or dog we see she wants to bring home. Never mind that we have two cats and a dog already. Phoebe also loves horses. She says,”I’m going to be a horse farmer when I grow up. I promise, Mommy.” I hope so. Mommy loves you Phoebe Phu.
Is it really November already? I could have sworn October just started. My garden is almost put to bed for the winter. I spent the afternoon raking leaves today. I put some on the garden as mulch and the rest went into the compost bins. I almost forgot I need to fertilize the dogwood tree we planted for Liam. I just glanced at the Extension Service calendar and it has that listed as something to do this week. So I need to do that and put down a fresh layer of mulch.
Phoebe picked out a few gourds and pumpkins to make a little garden display to celebrate Fall. We artfully arranged them in the flower bed.
I’ve got a few crafts planned for the next few weeks. Hopefully they turn out nice enough to share.
I really like Sarah Mae and Sally’s approach to motherhood and children. It is so nice to see that while they had struggles too, no I’m not alone in that, they were able to come out the other side with loving, kind children. It gives me hope.
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When I was put on bed rest there was a Radiohead song that came to mind. It took me a few weeks to figure out which one it was. “How To Disappear Completely.” The line,”I’m not here. This isn’t happening,” was exactly how I felt. This can’t be happening. After Liam died the song that gave me the most comfort was The Beatles “Let It Be.” When I think of my wee, sweet boy this song plays in my head.
Courtney at Women Living Well has started this challenge. This week’s challenge is to light a candle every day. I love candles, I used to burn them all the time. For some reason the super sniffer I got when I was pregnant with Phee never went away. EVERYTHING smells so strong I can’t stand it anymore. However, I do have a lovely unscented beeswax candle. It’s a beautiful pillar I bought from an etsy seller. Wish I could remember which one. Every time you see the flame you’re supposed to pray. For your family, friends, whoever comes to mind. I think I can manage this.
I briefly participated in this last year. Project Heal is a 31 day photo challenge to help you process and work through your grief. I won’t do all 31 days though, just a few.
I really, REALLY wanted to get this webinar from Sarah Mae, but it happened when I had other obligations. Now she’s repackaged it and I can share it with all of you as an affiliate.