It’s something I said I would never do. In fact, it was the first thing Mike & I agreed on when I was pregnant. There would be no baby in our bed. Our bed was OUR place. I had read all about the pros and cons of co-sleeping, but still knew it wasn’t for us.
Life has a way of changing your plans. Just like the natural, drug free labor I wanted didn’t happen. I was induced at 40 weeks 5 days. I requested the epidural after being in labor for 5 hours. The nurse that taught our birthing class was right. Pitocin made the contractions incredibly intense and unbearable. Because of the episiotomy I had it was hard for me to walk, so once we came home carrying her to the bedroom upstairs hurt too much. Since I am nursing her it was not feasible to have Mike take her up and down the stairs all night, just to have her in the crib. I first tried putting her in the pack n play beside the couch. That didn’t work, because it was too hard to bend over to reach her. So I improvised.
We have an ergonomic neck pillow, it looks like there was a scoop taken out of the middle of a regular pillow. She fit perfectly in that pillow. I put her between me and the back of the couch. It was so much easier. I knew she was safe and not going anywhere.
When I was healed and able to climb the stairs I put her in the crib. That was when found that I couldn’t bear to have her that far away from me. We got a bassinet and tried that. She slept in it a few times. Truthfully I felt safer with her next to me. Right next to me. I could put my hand on her belly to feel if she were breathing or not. We never had a scare over her breathing, but I was afraid anyway.
Thus began our journey in co-sleeping. Honestly, I love it. Mike…not so much. He says he’s always half awake to be aware of her so he won’t roll on her. He wouldn’t. I keep my arm between them or put her on the other side of my body if she is nursing from that side.
Now that she is able to roll on her own she tosses and turns a lot. Just like her parents. Both of us are active sleepers. The tossing and turning is keeping me awake. I get less sleep now than I did when she was a newborn.
I’m trying to transition her to the crib. Trying being the operative word. I’m having such a hard time with it. I still want her with me. If we had a bigger bed I would have no problem keeping her with me. *Sigh*
Getting her down in the crib initially has gotten much easier. I can get her to sleep in just a few minutes. Keeping her there is the problem. She still wakes to nurse twice at night. The first time I can get her back down with no problem, but the second time is a fight. I admit that I cave in and take her back to my bed.
Yes, I know I should be consistent, but it’s hard! Can you tell how whiny that was? Picture a four year old saying that. I know it’s so hard for me because my heart really isn’t in it. I don’t regret co-sleeping at all, it’s been wonderful. It’s just time to move to the next phase.